An Open Letter to my hometown.

Dear Vancouver-

Hey- what's up? I know it's been a while, and after so many harsh words spoken, hearing from me out of the blue is probably a bit jarring...but we need to talk. We need to clear the air.

First off, I'm sorry I haven't been around much over the past few years. I really felt like we needed time apart to figure things out on our own. You know, go our separate ways, have some separate experiences- and we have...but as much as I tried to harden myself against you, and fill the void you left with other things (other memories, other cities) I've come to realize how important you are to me.

You're a part of me. And you always will be. You are at the very heart of who and what I am. Let's be honest- we've been through a lot together, and that should have made us stronger. There have been so many good times, but for some reason I tried to trivialize all of them after I left. You and I both know that they are too significant to discredit, but up until now I was still experiencing a serious amount of hurt. I was reminded too much of the hard things you put me through to want to see you, or spend much time with you.

Here's the thing, though- over the past year, I've come to realize that I miss you.

You heard me- after all my hard talk, cynicism and pouting, I officially miss you. A lot. I'm not the same without you. I still cry everytime I see the ocean and mountains. I still occasionally get up on a day off and think I'd like to go to one of our old haunts, get excited at the prospect, and then realize you aren't there anymore. You don't miss your water... right?

I know I was broke, or broken most of the time we were together, but I had an epiphany a while back- none of that was actually your fault. Honestly. That was my baggage, those were my issues and my insecurities. That was my struggle. Sure, you didn't help things any at times, but you had your own issues to deal with. You pushed, and I pushed back. There wasn't a lot of give or take with us, and that's probably (at least in part) why things ended the way they did, and why it's taken me so long to come around.

I know things will probably never be the same between us again, but maybe that difference will make all the difference. It will be a new era- a new understanding. I'm a little older, you're a little older, I'm not as quick to lay blame these days.

So yeah.... This is me extending the olive branch, hoping maybe we can try things again someday. If you ever want to grab a beer and a burrito, I'll be down. Holler.

Lots of love,

Teagan